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Barry Nicholas
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Monday, March 24, 2008, 8:26 PM
I find it abit sad, that yet again i have to return to this page of the internet. The very fact that i have something to add to this lonesome place. Maybe its the only way i have left to redemption. To ask myself, why. Like a river that never stops flowing, i wanted to give. For a moment, i really thought i could ; the way i pictured it for so long. Maybe it was all just a dream, these feelings which i assumed a must to be supressed. Whats there to take that cant be given? Why hold on when its so hated ; and they say that a hero will come to save us. I may come to regret saying this, but sometimes even heroes deserve to cry. They say the way things are right now is pathetic, and all the time i blame myself. But i hate losing and i know it, they just dont know the secret behind these waters. For a thousand nights i pondered these to myself, and because of time i might have forced myself to believe. And right now because of time i dont have the strength to let go. When it seems that the road is to fork only then do i find the reasons to hold on. Is this the way it should be? Hate me so, maybe i dont even want to see your face. I've tried my best to be who i can, i have given what i can give, and im not afraid anymore. The truth is i hate it when ppl want something and cant get and try forcing. Im at the limit, i was afraid to say this because i felt like i was carrying all the weight, that if i were to let go everything else would go. How long has it been? We both know it very well and i dont want to carry this burden anymore. Stop telling me how useless i am, i already know! I cant give you what you want, and if u hate it that much than stop it here. Im already tired, of u to keep demanding i be someone i cant, i know i can do what u ask of me. But the fact that you seem to compare and insult and look down and look as though ur in such pain being with me ; wake up alright. It may have started with me, i may be the cause for this. i might not have tried to redeem myself. I may have done you wrong, i may have been the one who let this down, but i think most importantly. It may be the fact that i see you suffering because im here and i dont want it to go on anymore. So if it hurts to even think of me, than forget me. Pain that comes in big amounts dont last long, but pain that comes a little by little lasts alot longer. Its been that way hasn't it, for nearly the past year. And im sorry, for some things. But thank you, for everything. Supporting you, caring for you, its all i wanted. whether ive done my job or not i dont know but it seems, our goal seems, to be alot further den horizon. I'll let you choose, to let me go or not. Cause i dont want you to suffer anymore, i dont want. To be the reason anymore, for your tears. |