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Trying to figure out the lives of others, we learned how to lead our own lives.
Seeing the people around us go through ups and downs in life, we learned how to manage our own.
And as we all go through that phase in life, we learn from it and try with all our might to never repeat so.

But yet even so,
When this particular emotion, feeling, phenomenon occurs.
We all go rolling head over heels in despair and confusion even though we've been through it countless times.

Its a real mystery,
Something Newton or Einstein would have needed to live a hundred years longer to figure out.
And Shakespeare two times more paper to document down to produce a good ending to it for centuries.

That said and done,
I know i'm a tad too young to even begin understanding fully what all this means.
Yet again i'm not innocent enough to brush it all off and say " leave it for another day ".

I wreck my brains, pull my hair, cover my face, roll in bed, stare at the mirror. But even so i still don't understand this feeling. I feel like dying, and yet again want to live on to rediscover the feelings another day. Its very contradicting, this whole situation. When you hold me near, i feel so comfortable. That i forget everything that mattered due to absence. I keep smiling, not worrying. And when its me and myself again, everything comes rushing back to me like a bullet. Than i lose control, find it hard to handle everything, and sooner or later break down.

I make stupid decisions based on this mindset. Thinking too much into reverse physcology that i turn physcotic instead. Wishing my actions will have a reversed effect when the probability of it is 2/10 and i still go ahead with it. But 1 thing we all must agree on, some of the craziest things in life also bring us the most unforgettable joys and memories that last us this pathetic lifetime of less den a hundred years. The adrenaline, the 'high', the fuzzy feeling we all get in our hearts. No one alive has ever, solved this mystery.

Love

We all love it, and hate it.
Feel the agony and joy.
Detest it and yet again search for it.
Throw it away and in a blink want to pick it up again.
Make us believe in it so much than in one fell swoop leave us dangling

Why oh why, would we want to hold on to something as vile as this ?

For quite awhile, i felt as though i would never want to ever taste it again. Than i met this girl, not too long ago. In a place you'd least expect, or want to expect. Reasonable logic would set alarms and warn and advice screaming in your head how the probability of it ending up right is so low you'd have to be pretty damn stupid enough to even try. Than again, that's the exact god damned person i turned out to be.

Things were very simple, I liked her, she liked me. The twist to this fairytale is, everything else besides us was very complicated. I don't know now if over-looking it all was even a good thing anymore, but from the very bottom of my now so messed up heart i know that i'd be missing out on the best few moments in my life if i didn't.

Rapunzel went to the ball with prince charming, Cinderella got stuck in the tower with hair growing out of her nostrils and Sleeping Beauty is suffering from insomnia. But the thing with all of it, is the Happily Ever After that always for some sickening reason always appears at the last 3 words of each god forsaken book.

I have a confession to make. I love her. Alright not a very surprising turn of events.

Darling, the tides we're going to have to face are going to be fierce. It won't be smooth sailing at all, and even without judging from matters of the heart i can see hell on a silver platter being served to us sometime soon. By nature i'm not a very confident person, and although with everything i have i want to tell you that it'll be alright i can't even begin to phantom how much i'll being lying to you if i did.

I'll admit, if things currently happening don't change. I might give it all up. As much as it pains me to say it, i know for a fact that being who i am, this cannot do. No, being what we are, this will not do. Sacrifices. How much we hate it.

So it boils down to this. Which would you rather live with, hate for sacrifice, or losing the love you so deeply believe in. I've made my choice, like everything i do in my life. No matter how pathetic i am, how useless i am, the 1 thing. I can be proud of, is my choices.

Baby, i love you. Thats a fact that'll never be changed no matter what choice i make. And though as much as i hate to bring things down to this level, i know i have to. To be honest with you, and myself. This is love.

K.
ily.